Posted in Poetry

“How is she?”

“How is she?”

I ask.

Your tone changes,

like I’ve asked you to

cover up a sin for me

like murder, armed robbery.

“Fine”, you reply,

so curtly like a begrudging consent.

Our family of three

became a train splitting in three,

to continue on separate tracks

as single units

speeding into three different directions,

carrying our own cargo

like freight trains in the night.

She’s sped on so far

I can no longer see

the beams of her headlights.

Different tracks,

different signals,

with your carriage

still the one in between our two.

Only you can know

how she is.

So when I ask,

“how is she?”

I don’t want a tone change.

I just want to know

“how is she?”

because you can see her

and I can’t.

©Cece Alex, 2020


I’m Cece Alexandra and I have Epilepsy. Since being diagnosed, my life has changed significantly. After studying and teaching Humanities and Literature for all of my adult life, I was bullied and lost my job a month before qualifying to become an English Teacher. Once you fail the Teacher Training course in England, you cannot ever retrain; I then became too sick to work because of my Epilepsy. I am now currently studying an MSc in Mental Health Psychology with the University of Liverpool. My disability provokes me into raising awareness for invisible disabilities, which I also actively partake in with Epilepsy Action. Part of that awareness is to help fight against invisible disability discrimination - I believe that this behaviour is not cognitively unconscious; modern society is actively partaking in a hierarchy of disabilities and I believe that there is not enough psychological research to prove this. I am also clinically interested in Cultural Psychology - particularly Collectivist Culture, and wish to pursue this further in my academic career.

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