Posted in Blog

Goodbye 2017

In 2017, I’m thankful for pain.
I never thought I would hear myself saying that, but here’s why.
At the beginning of the year, I was trapped within a juxtaposition of irony: I loved my career choice, but I hated my job.
Then six months later, I was bullied out of both and seeing no way out, I tried to end all of my pain.

2017 has taught me that below rock bottom, there is hell, where you have to learn basic skills all over again, so you can listen to the demons around you or you can start looking for something else.

So that’s what I did.

I looked for new voices to listen to, until I eventually made it out of hell; new places to go to until I eventually made it out of rock bottom.

Now in 2017, thanks to so many people I am no longer the same person.
I no longer have the same heroes.
I am no longer surrounded by the same crowd.
I go to different places to get my thrills.
I listen to new songs, because the the old ones offend me now.

 

2017 has taught me that I cannot look over my shoulder; some don’t want the sun to go down on them, however I cannot wait for the moon of 2018 to shine, because I spent a lifetime searching for myself and only found somebody else.

2017 I became a fragment of myself.

But as we enter 2018, I am whole.

Thanks to pain.

XOXO

Author:

I’m Cece Alexandra and I have Epilepsy. Since being diagnosed, my life has changed significantly. After studying and teaching Humanities and Literature for all of my adult life, I was bullied and lost my job a month before qualifying to become an English Teacher. Once you fail the Teacher Training course in England, you cannot ever retrain; I then became too sick to work because of my Epilepsy. I am now currently studying an MSc in Mental Health Psychology with the University of Liverpool. My disability provokes me into raising awareness for invisible disabilities, which I also actively partake in with Epilepsy Action. Part of that awareness is to help fight against invisible disability discrimination - I believe that this behaviour is not cognitively unconscious; modern society is actively partaking in a hierarchy of disabilities and I believe that there is not enough psychological research to prove this. I am also clinically interested in Cultural Psychology - particularly Collectivist Culture, and wish to pursue this further in my academic career.

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