Posted in Blog

The New Me

My partner and I have an incredibly passionate relationship.

We hardly agree on anything, therefore when we fight, it’s like we’re polar opposites. In fact, our fights can be pretty explosive.

Hurt Locker(When we fight, I feel sorry for our neighbours….)

However, our banter is delicious.

Kiss My Ass

If anybody overheard our bants, they would assume that we hated each other, when we are in fact head over heels in love.

We met almost a year ago, the weekend before I began my teacher training, which was the last weekend in August. We met for coffee in Mile End, at my partner’s suggestion and when we got to the coffee shop, he admitted to me that he didn’t like coffee. He hated it! I think he just picked it because in movies people go on coffee dates.

We then took a silently awkward walk to this park, where some “youths” were gallantly smoking weed; we were both silently awkward, sipping on our drinks, gazing at everything but each other, until the “youths” finally left, and we sat down on a bench. I think it was then that I brought up my Epilepsy as a joke, saying something like:

If you’re talking and it looks like I’m bored, I’m not. I’m probably just having a seizure. 

That broke the ice! We then shared funny stories about anything and everything.

I never expected to fall in love.

That same afternoon, we carried on the date to a pub, where we ended up at an awful comedy night. Of course we got picked on by the compere, to which my partner wasn’t amused, so he made it incredibly difficult for the compere to bounce his dodgy jokes off of, which the rest of the audience – including me – found incredibly amusing, and that was the first time that day that I looked at my partner in a different light.

I’d broken up with my ex in June, had my summer of flings and just as I was about to consider deleting Tinder, that’s when I met my partner (come on girls, when we’re single we always consider deleting, we don’t actually do it LOL). I was also about to begin my teacher training course, which I knew was going to be full on, but in that moment, I knew that there was something about this guy.

From that night on wards, we’ve been inseparable, even when he went to San Francisco for two weeks in November.

Our relationship is far from perfect – you’ll know that if you follow my blog. Dating somebody with a chronic illness is tough, especially two. He also had to watch as I was bullied  and had my dreams of being a Teacher torn away from me this year. He’s barely really gotten to know the real me and it’s finally dawned on us, that he may never will. For weeks, he’s been saying:

You’ll get better and you’ll be you again.

But my experience with teacher training this year has changed me.

I’ve lost my dream, I’ve lost my faith. Those were HUGE parts of me, which are now lost forever. However, I can no longer dwell on what’s lost. My partner tells me all the time how brave I am and how he could never have coped with what I’ve been through – even when I did try to give up completely. He also tells me that I’m beautiful and intelligent.

I opened this post with assertively stating how passionate our relationship is: as well as the “bants,” we are both very emotional and sensual people, and this experience has changed me. I did used to think that teaching defined me, because it was my goal for so long, however now I’m beginning to think that as well as being too “emotional” (uplifting, heartwarming, powerful, impassioned, hot-blooded, tender, loving, controversial,) for teaching, then perhaps teaching was too stiff (punishing, ungiving, non-flexible, draconian) for me.

Stiff Upper Lip

Thank you to my partner, for reminding me of how special I am.




My body remains on the sidelines watching, while my mind roams around the room, taking in the world around her. I am a wallflower. There could be two reasons for this: It could be due to me being an introvert or just that I am a Cancerian! I’m Cece Alexandra and I am so honoured that you’ve been led to delve into my thoughts here in this blog! I would describe myself as a Wallflower which is why I use words to express my deepest – and sometimes darkest - thoughts. Words have always been my strongest method of expressing myself. Growing up I always wanted to be a writer, however life and circumstances chipped away at my confidence until there was nothing left. Without words, I could no longer express myself. I am also Epileptic. Since being diagnosed, I have realised that my deepest fear is the day I am finally on my deathbed, haunted by the overwhelming regret that I never achieved my God-given potential. This realisation forced me to take a step of faith and put myself out there. Yes it makes me vulnerable, however within the process I not only want to be an inspiration to myself; I want to be an inspiration to other women – to be whatever you want to be. Embrace the fear and doubt and utilise that as the fuel you need to push through! Life is for living to the fullest. Life is for loving, for living true to yourself and to the people around you. Life however, can also be crippling, dark and overwhelming. But you are not alone. This thought alone is what will help you get up from the ground.

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