Posted in Blog

We Hope You Choke

Some of you may remember my signing up to Bumble to find a new bestie, quite a few months ago.

Now, Bumble is generally known as a dating app, however you can also find friends on there. You can either sign up to find groups to hang out with, or just one person. 

Socialising in London is hard, and even more so when you’re training to be a teacher. 

You barely have any time to complete the constant redrafts of intervention spreadsheets, plus mentor meeting write-ups and lesson plans, let alone have a life outside of the school gates.

Anyway, imagine how tired people become of the excuses that you can’t “hang out” because of your job ON TOP of a chronic illness; people get bored of excuses,  which is why I decided to try out Bumble.

I met someone who seemed like a dream come true! She loved Radiohead and lived in my “endz”.

A match made in heaven I heaven! 

(I’m easy like a Sunday morning to please is seems.

And we actually did get on. She admitted that she’d clicked on me for the same reasons!)

I got suspended a few weeks after we started talking, so I had to tell her why I would now have loads of free time to meet up if she wanted to.

She instantly understood the racial microaggressions, whereas when I’d told other people, they’d made me feel like it was all in my head. 

I told her about my Epilepsy too and she didn’t even run away, like many other people did.

Unfortunately we’ve only been able to meet up once, mostly because of my health complications, but she has been there every step of the way.

Even though I’ve only met her once.

And she never blames me for everything that I’ve been through.

This person that I’ve met once, I feel closer to than some friends I’ve lost this year, and almost as close to as some of the friends who’ve stood by me this year. 

To find somebody in a lonely city like London, who you connect with on a cognitive and psychological level, is pretty rare. 

And a fucking blessing. ❤️

It’s incredible.

And to the people who’ve hurt us: 

“We hope that you choke.” 


My body remains on the sidelines watching, while my mind roams around the room, taking in the world around her. I am a wallflower. There could be two reasons for this: It could be due to me being an introvert or just that I am a Cancerian! I’m Cece Alexandra and I am so honoured that you’ve been led to delve into my thoughts here in this blog! I would describe myself as a Wallflower which is why I use words to express my deepest – and sometimes darkest - thoughts. Words have always been my strongest method of expressing myself. Growing up I always wanted to be a writer, however life and circumstances chipped away at my confidence until there was nothing left. Without words, I could no longer express myself. I am also Epileptic. Since being diagnosed, I have realised that my deepest fear is the day I am finally on my deathbed, haunted by the overwhelming regret that I never achieved my God-given potential. This realisation forced me to take a step of faith and put myself out there. Yes it makes me vulnerable, however within the process I not only want to be an inspiration to myself; I want to be an inspiration to other women – to be whatever you want to be. Embrace the fear and doubt and utilise that as the fuel you need to push through! Life is for living to the fullest. Life is for loving, for living true to yourself and to the people around you. Life however, can also be crippling, dark and overwhelming. But you are not alone. This thought alone is what will help you get up from the ground.

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