Posted in Blog

When I Am King, You Will Be First Against The Wall… 

People always say that when you’re stressed, angry, anxious, agitated, feeling like you wanna punch somebody in the face, etc etc, you should take some time out, take a walk, take five. Usually I’m not able to do this because my energy levels won’t allow it, however this evening after a dinner leaving me feeling anxious beyond recognition, all I needed were the spoons that I’d saved from my sit down shower (see! These little tricks are working!) And some Radiohead on Spotify and I was good to go for a little stroll and a sit down.

(I will actually be writing a separate piece about Radiohead, who are one of my favourite bands of all time, but for now we’ll concentrate on this walk.)

This weekend, we’ve been entertaining. It’s incredibly bad timing and I’m going to be diplomatic by keeping my opinions on my guests to myself. 

This weekend has been tough mentally. Having people in your home when you’re both mentally and physically unfit is incredibly strenuous, but mentally it’s crippling. Friday I nearly didn’t make it, therefore tonight I decided to take that time out while my legs could bear the weight and I found this:

And I sat, gathering my thoughts out in the open, until the park and streets looked like this:

And then when the sun eventually went down, I made my way home along the main road – the same road I had just walked along a half hour before – feeling brighter and lighter than I had before:

Yesterday was a better day; this morning was a better morning and apart from the blip at dinner – this evening has been a better evening. 

I’m finally starting to feel hopeful about a recovery. I realise that I’m being so cryptic right now, however I promise I will give a proper update. 

I just wanted to encourage those out there struggling in the darkness, please please PLEASE keep going. Tonight my motivation is revenge: when I am King, I’m going to line up all of my haters up against a wall so that they can watch my success from the front line 🙂 

xoxo

Author:

I’m Cece Alexandra and I have Epilepsy. Since being diagnosed, my life has changed significantly. After studying and teaching Humanities and Literature for all of my adult life, I was bullied and lost my job a month before qualifying to become an English Teacher. Once you fail the Teacher Training course in England, you cannot ever retrain; I then became too sick to work because of my Epilepsy. I am now currently studying an MSc in Mental Health Psychology with the University of Liverpool. My disability provokes me into raising awareness for invisible disabilities, which I also actively partake in with Epilepsy Action. Part of that awareness is to help fight against invisible disability discrimination - I believe that this behaviour is not cognitively unconscious; modern society is actively partaking in a hierarchy of disabilities and I believe that there is not enough psychological research to prove this. I am also clinically interested in Cultural Psychology - particularly Collectivist Culture, and wish to pursue this further in my academic career.

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