Posted in Blog

Mean

This week has been one of highs and lows.

 

Today I write to you from the bathroom at work, as I cry, wondering how the people here can be so mean.

And yes I am aware that calling people “mean” makes me sound like a five-year-old however this is the only suitable adjective to describe people who can make you feel so low about yourself, that you feel sick.

Having a weakness makes you weak and people will treat you however they want to.

If you let them.

Lately I’ve been wanting to quit my job because I was tired of being the renegade and the voice of the minority. But I always forget myself in this.

What about me?

Shouldn’t I stand up for myself?

Don’t I deserve a hero?

Don’t I deserve to finally have somebody speak up for me?

Aren’t I tired of waiting around for people to do it for me? Of course I am.

Unfortunately as an invisible disability, it is extremely difficult to prove discrimination against a person like me.

Author:

My body remains on the sidelines watching, while my mind roams around the room, taking in the world around her. I am a wallflower. There could be two reasons for this: It could be due to me being an introvert or just that I am a Cancerian! I’m Cece Alexandra and I am so honoured that you’ve been led to delve into my thoughts here in this blog! I would describe myself as a Wallflower which is why I use words to express my deepest – and sometimes darkest - thoughts. Words have always been my strongest method of expressing myself. Growing up I always wanted to be a writer, however life and circumstances chipped away at my confidence until there was nothing left. Without words, I could no longer express myself. I am also Epileptic. Since being diagnosed, I have realised that my deepest fear is the day I am finally on my deathbed, haunted by the overwhelming regret that I never achieved my God-given potential. This realisation forced me to take a step of faith and put myself out there. Yes it makes me vulnerable, however within the process I not only want to be an inspiration to myself; I want to be an inspiration to other women – to be whatever you want to be. Embrace the fear and doubt and utilise that as the fuel you need to push through! Life is for living to the fullest. Life is for loving, for living true to yourself and to the people around you. Life however, can also be crippling, dark and overwhelming. But you are not alone. This thought alone is what will help you get up from the ground.

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