For the first time in forever I feel alive.
I’m not 12 days into my Zonegran journey and also TWELVE DAYS SEIZURE FREE.
It’s a fucking miracle.
And not only that: but being alive AND AWAKE, sounds like a bizarre thing to be thankful for, however I truly am; to be able to focus while somebody talks to me and also remember the majority of our conversation; to wake up and not feel more physically and mentally exhausted than I was before I went to sleep but actually feel recharged like one should after sleeping; to be able to walk comfortably from one place to another.
And Alas! Last weekend my boyfriend and I went to IKEA and I was able to run around and lift things up!
I cannot believe that this could be my drug.
I’m fearful in getting my hopes up too much, however… I’ve always been a hopeless romantic and a daydream believer meaning that I’m prone to throwing myself into the ocean.
I’m actually listening to Joy Division while I write this… I still remember watching their music videos and thinking I looked like Ian Curtis. When I read Touching From A Distance, I was all the more certain that I was just like him regardless of how much people continued to dismiss me. He probably saved my life……