Posted in Blog

Zonegran: The Bee’s Knees

For the first time in forever I feel alive.

I’m not 12 days into my Zonegran journey and also TWELVE DAYS SEIZURE FREE.

It’s a fucking miracle.

And not only that:  but being alive AND AWAKE, sounds like a bizarre thing to be thankful for, however I truly am; to be able to focus while somebody talks to me and also remember the majority of our conversation; to wake up and not feel more physically and mentally exhausted than I was before I went to sleep but actually feel recharged like one should after sleeping; to be able to walk comfortably from one place to another.

And Alas! Last weekend my boyfriend and I went to IKEA and I was able to run around and lift things up!

I cannot believe that this could be my drug.

I’m fearful in getting my hopes up too much, however… I’ve always been a hopeless romantic and a daydream believer meaning that I’m prone to throwing myself into the ocean.iancurtis01getty88429765_160180-hero_-1

I’m actually listening to Joy Division while I write this… I still remember watching their music videos and thinking I looked like Ian Curtis. When I read Touching From A Distance, I was all the more certain that I was just like him regardless of how much people continued to dismiss me. He probably saved my life……


My body remains on the sidelines watching, while my mind roams around the room, taking in the world around her. I am a wallflower. There could be two reasons for this: It could be due to me being an introvert or just that I am a Cancerian! I’m Cece Alexandra and I am so honoured that you’ve been led to delve into my thoughts here in this blog! I would describe myself as a Wallflower which is why I use words to express my deepest – and sometimes darkest - thoughts. Words have always been my strongest method of expressing myself. Growing up I always wanted to be a writer, however life and circumstances chipped away at my confidence until there was nothing left. Without words, I could no longer express myself. I am also Epileptic. Since being diagnosed, I have realised that my deepest fear is the day I am finally on my deathbed, haunted by the overwhelming regret that I never achieved my God-given potential. This realisation forced me to take a step of faith and put myself out there. Yes it makes me vulnerable, however within the process I not only want to be an inspiration to myself; I want to be an inspiration to other women – to be whatever you want to be. Embrace the fear and doubt and utilise that as the fuel you need to push through! Life is for living to the fullest. Life is for loving, for living true to yourself and to the people around you. Life however, can also be crippling, dark and overwhelming. But you are not alone. This thought alone is what will help you get up from the ground.

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