Posted in Blog

Tschüss my friend 2016 <3

So… 2016 is almost complete, and what a year to behold.

160111_cbox_david-bowie-08-jpg-crop-promo-xlarge2

David Bowie, my first love, passed away before we’d even had a chance to finish welcoming in the new year; swiftly followed by countless other idols of mine including:

Prince,

rs-236765-prince

Alan Rickman;

alanrickmanpictures

and just when we’d thought we could breathe a sigh of relief, we lost George Michael

images-2

and Carrie Fisher too.

images-1

Brexit punched all us lefties in the face mid-year, making us question our alliances with the ones we loved; the memes of families and loved ones fighting over the dinner table were all but actual realities for quite a few of us.

That dude Trump swanned into the White House from his Trump tower after dramatically stealing the Presidential race with his right wing babble. Which turned out not to be a load of babble to the vast majority of the U.S.! And now we face a future of gut wrenching fear and uncertainty.

Happy frickin’ New Year…. Great feeling isn’t it?

However, 2016 hasn’t been all doom and gloom, for it’s also been an incredible year for me: I became too sick to work right at the point when I’d made the decision to change career paths; I became so unstable that I questioned my sanity numerous times; I lost a relationship I had become physically dependant upon and questioned my choices in all parts of my life… Then I took a leap of faith when I went on my trip to Budapest and realised that I’d known myself all along and returned with the conviction that I would never lose sight of my true reflection and I haven’t. I’m in a new relationship where I still haven’t lost myself; I haven’t changed, I haven’t gained weight (like most of us do when we enter a relationship because we’re stupidly guzzling on food while gazing into our lover’s eyes instead of taking care of ourselves like sane human beings) – in fact, I’ve lost weight! I’m at the beginning of my new career and it’s incredibly tough, especially for somebody with epilepsy. People are incredibly unsympathetic towards that, however I’ve seen it before and therefore know that the problems lie with them and not me.

This year I’ve used these negative experiences to raise more awareness for Epilepsy sufferers: in the summer I spoke on BBC London about my negative experiences with employment  and I’ve just started a petition for TfL to give more support to Epilepsy sufferers, making every lonely seizure I have on a bus or tube worth the heartache.

I’ve made closer ties with family members, mending the gaps in my life left by no longer having a mother and a sister and I’ve gained a new family in my boyfriend. The love of my life.

At the end of 2015, I had many doubts about my relationship at the time, however I quickly dismissed them as unrealistic and also unobtainable for somebody like me: damaged, unstable, visibly scarred with imperfections; for me this was as good as it was going to get.

Until I met my current boyfriend and found a best friend and a partner. I truly never thought or knew that I could be this happy! But I am.

2017 is going to be even tougher. I’m going all in with my eyes wide open. However, I’m me and knowing that, I know that I can handle what comes my way with my head held high.

Happy new year everyone. Enjoy your celebrations and I look forward to conquering 2017 with you all!

fb_img_1482877544328

xoxo

Author:

My body remains on the sidelines watching, while my mind roams around the room, taking in the world around her. I am a wallflower. There could be two reasons for this: It could be due to me being an introvert or just that I am a Cancerian! I’m Cece Alexandra and I am so honoured that you’ve been led to delve into my thoughts here in this blog! I would describe myself as a Wallflower which is why I use words to express my deepest – and sometimes darkest - thoughts. Words have always been my strongest method of expressing myself. Growing up I always wanted to be a writer, however life and circumstances chipped away at my confidence until there was nothing left. Without words, I could no longer express myself. I am also Epileptic. Since being diagnosed, I have realised that my deepest fear is the day I am finally on my deathbed, haunted by the overwhelming regret that I never achieved my God-given potential. This realisation forced me to take a step of faith and put myself out there. Yes it makes me vulnerable, however within the process I not only want to be an inspiration to myself; I want to be an inspiration to other women – to be whatever you want to be. Embrace the fear and doubt and utilise that as the fuel you need to push through! Life is for living to the fullest. Life is for loving, for living true to yourself and to the people around you. Life however, can also be crippling, dark and overwhelming. But you are not alone. This thought alone is what will help you get up from the ground.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s