Posted in Blog

Eissporthallenabenteuer: Step of Faith

Today I went ice skating with my boyfriend and his siblings.

Now, for everybody who knows me, you’ll know that I have THE worst balance in the world and can barely walk straight on solid ground. When it snows, I call a snow day not because of lack of transport, but the last time I tried to walk in the snow I nearly broke my neck!

However, today I managed to conquer a fear. This seems to have been a recurring theme over the past year: from breaking up with my ex to embarking on a solo trip to another country in the summer; 2016 has been about conquering deep rooted fears.

As much as I’m in love with my boyfriend, one thing became apparent to me today: I don’t trust people. I was absolutely petrified on that ice, almost at the point of tears; when I’m stressed I heavily perspire and on that ice my sweat was raining down like a monsoon. My boyfriend had me in his arms and yet I couldn’t trust him to keep me upright. I hadn’t realised that I’d become so distrustful…

I’ve relied upon so many people in the past, and the majority of them have let me down in the most gut wrenching ways. The last couple of years in particular, have been the hardest when it comes to placing my trust in people and being made a fool out of.

Eventually, I went all in on the ice; holding onto my boyfriend I pleaded with him: ‘please don’t let me go.’

His reply: ‘never.’

This year, I’ve learnt to not only have faith in myself, but also in the people who truly love me and care about my wellbeing.IceSkate.jpg


My body remains on the sidelines watching, while my mind roams around the room, taking in the world around her. I am a wallflower. There could be two reasons for this: It could be due to me being an introvert or just that I am a Cancerian! I’m Cece Alexandra and I am so honoured that you’ve been led to delve into my thoughts here in this blog! I would describe myself as a Wallflower which is why I use words to express my deepest – and sometimes darkest - thoughts. Words have always been my strongest method of expressing myself. Growing up I always wanted to be a writer, however life and circumstances chipped away at my confidence until there was nothing left. Without words, I could no longer express myself. I am also Epileptic. Since being diagnosed, I have realised that my deepest fear is the day I am finally on my deathbed, haunted by the overwhelming regret that I never achieved my God-given potential. This realisation forced me to take a step of faith and put myself out there. Yes it makes me vulnerable, however within the process I not only want to be an inspiration to myself; I want to be an inspiration to other women – to be whatever you want to be. Embrace the fear and doubt and utilise that as the fuel you need to push through! Life is for living to the fullest. Life is for loving, for living true to yourself and to the people around you. Life however, can also be crippling, dark and overwhelming. But you are not alone. This thought alone is what will help you get up from the ground.

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