Posted in Blog

Eissporthallenabenteuer: Step of Faith

Today I went ice skating with my boyfriend and his siblings.

Now, for everybody who knows me, you’ll know that I have THE worst balance in the world and can barely walk straight on solid ground. When it snows, I call a snow day not because of lack of transport, but the last time I tried to walk in the snow I nearly broke my neck!

However, today I managed to conquer a fear. This seems to have been a recurring theme over the past year: from breaking up with my ex to embarking on a solo trip to another country in the summer; 2016 has been about conquering deep rooted fears.

As much as I’m in love with my boyfriend, one thing became apparent to me today: I don’t trust people. I was absolutely petrified on that ice, almost at the point of tears; when I’m stressed I heavily perspire and on that ice my sweat was raining down like a monsoon. My boyfriend had me in his arms and yet I couldn’t trust him to keep me upright. I hadn’t realised that I’d become so distrustful…

I’ve relied upon so many people in the past, and the majority of them have let me down in the most gut wrenching ways. The last couple of years in particular, have been the hardest when it comes to placing my trust in people and being made a fool out of.

Eventually, I went all in on the ice; holding onto my boyfriend I pleaded with him: ‘please don’t let me go.’

His reply: ‘never.’

This year, I’ve learnt to not only have faith in myself, but also in the people who truly love me and care about my wellbeing.IceSkate.jpg

Author:

I’m Cece Alexandra and I have Epilepsy. Since being diagnosed, my life has changed significantly. After studying and teaching Humanities and Literature for all of my adult life, I was bullied and lost my job a month before qualifying to become an English Teacher. Once you fail the Teacher Training course in England, you cannot ever retrain; I then became too sick to work because of my Epilepsy. I am now currently studying an MSc in Mental Health Psychology with the University of Liverpool. My disability provokes me into raising awareness for invisible disabilities, which I also actively partake in with Epilepsy Action. Part of that awareness is to help fight against invisible disability discrimination - I believe that this behaviour is not cognitively unconscious; modern society is actively partaking in a hierarchy of disabilities and I believe that there is not enough psychological research to prove this. I am also clinically interested in Cultural Psychology - particularly Collectivist Culture, and wish to pursue this further in my academic career.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s