Posted in Blog

Another Christmas

This year I’m spending another Christmas with another family.

This time, I’m in another country, amongst people who speak a completely different language to me.

And yet I’ve never felt so at home.

This year I’m in Germany with my  boyfriend and his family who have welcomed me with opened arms. I’m currently sitting here watching them play ‘Cacao’, listening to them plot their moves in German and it’s awesome!

This afternoon we even went to a real Christmas market and had real mulled wine (far superior to the Tesco Finest version I’d become accustomed to lol).

Watching these people: the way they connect, the way they dote upon each other, the subtle as well as loud waves of love they show to each other is astounding. Everybody who knows me, also knows that I’m a people watcher (I’m a Wallflower through and through). And there’s nothing else I’d rather be doing than watching this group of people right now.

I don’t really know what I’m trying to say in this post; Christmas has always been tough and this year I’m spending it with a family I only met last night! However, I’m an orphan who has found her family this year in various places; a chronically sick and disabled chick who found her Prince and works everyday regardless of how shit she feels, while also getting to travel and go to gigs; my life has changed dramatically this year and I’m ever so thankful.


My body remains on the sidelines watching, while my mind roams around the room, taking in the world around her. I am a wallflower. There could be two reasons for this: It could be due to me being an introvert or just that I am a Cancerian! I’m Cece Alexandra and I am so honoured that you’ve been led to delve into my thoughts here in this blog! I would describe myself as a Wallflower which is why I use words to express my deepest – and sometimes darkest - thoughts. Words have always been my strongest method of expressing myself. Growing up I always wanted to be a writer, however life and circumstances chipped away at my confidence until there was nothing left. Without words, I could no longer express myself. I am also Epileptic. Since being diagnosed, I have realised that my deepest fear is the day I am finally on my deathbed, haunted by the overwhelming regret that I never achieved my God-given potential. This realisation forced me to take a step of faith and put myself out there. Yes it makes me vulnerable, however within the process I not only want to be an inspiration to myself; I want to be an inspiration to other women – to be whatever you want to be. Embrace the fear and doubt and utilise that as the fuel you need to push through! Life is for living to the fullest. Life is for loving, for living true to yourself and to the people around you. Life however, can also be crippling, dark and overwhelming. But you are not alone. This thought alone is what will help you get up from the ground.

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