Posted in Blog

Whole

It’s been almost a year now since I last spoke to my mother.

 

I should be crying;

I should feel guilty;

I should be consumed with darkness.

 

But I’m not.

 

2016 has been an incredibly rough year for me, however throughout the pain, loss and tears, I’ve also found so much hope, love and grace from all corners of life.

 

It’s been almost a year since I last spoke to my mother and now almost two years since I last spoke to my sister. However, I feel free; I feel enlightened; I feel glorious and afraid at the same time because I’m constantly walking into the unknown, and yet the unknown will always be brighter than the places I’ve come from.

 

When I came to the end of my therapy sessions last month, as part of the “closure process”, we reflect upon the journey I’d been on over the course of the past 6 months or so; and I feel incredibly blessed for my experiences.

 

I’m an orphan, however I no longer feel abandoned.

I was persecuted by people I placed my trust in, and yet I’m now succeeding in a brand new career.

I gave up a relationship with fear, and gained a new relationship with love, laughter and beauty.

soulmate_quotes4

 

I still have days when I’m crippled by epilepsy, yet I wake up every morning and drag what’s left of my body into work, proving my haters wrong every single day I’m breathing.

 

2016 has been a bitch of a year and I can honestly say that I wouldn’t change a single thing.

 

Author:

My body remains on the sidelines watching, while my mind roams around the room, taking in the world around her. I am a wallflower. There could be two reasons for this: It could be due to me being an introvert or just that I am a Cancerian! I’m Cece Alexandra and I am so honoured that you’ve been led to delve into my thoughts here in this blog! I would describe myself as a Wallflower which is why I use words to express my deepest – and sometimes darkest - thoughts. Words have always been my strongest method of expressing myself. Growing up I always wanted to be a writer, however life and circumstances chipped away at my confidence until there was nothing left. Without words, I could no longer express myself. I am also Epileptic. Since being diagnosed, I have realised that my deepest fear is the day I am finally on my deathbed, haunted by the overwhelming regret that I never achieved my God-given potential. This realisation forced me to take a step of faith and put myself out there. Yes it makes me vulnerable, however within the process I not only want to be an inspiration to myself; I want to be an inspiration to other women – to be whatever you want to be. Embrace the fear and doubt and utilise that as the fuel you need to push through! Life is for living to the fullest. Life is for loving, for living true to yourself and to the people around you. Life however, can also be crippling, dark and overwhelming. But you are not alone. This thought alone is what will help you get up from the ground.

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