Posted in Blog

The Mark

It’s funny how people have so much to say.

Recently I’ve been told that I’m not “mature enough” to be in a relationship (by a guy who was too flakey to be in a relationship with me and therefore his comments were in response to me telling him to sod off because I was tired of waiting on him).

A friend said to me that I’m looking for my identity in men instead of within the God who created me. She thinks that I’m not ready for any type of relationship.

How do people outside of yourself know what’s right for you? And how is it that we allow ourselves to be penetrated by these words, until they completely consume you?

It got me to thinking about mental health? Is it right to assume that anybody with mental health issues shouldn’t be allowed to be in a relationship?

Can we not be trusted to make judgements on a partner when our judgements are so impaired?

But then I put this question to you (which is the same question I posed to the friend): how is one supposed to learn about healthy relationships when they stay away from all? And this doesn’t just go for love, sex and marriage; I’m talking about friendships, work and family relationships too. How do you learn to have friends when you don’t have any at all? How would you know what it’s like to be in a family if you’ve never had one?

And then I put this question to you: does mental illness deem somebody undeserving of any type of relationship at all, just because they are messed up?


My body remains on the sidelines watching, while my mind roams around the room, taking in the world around her. I am a wallflower. There could be two reasons for this: It could be due to me being an introvert or just that I am a Cancerian! I’m Cece Alexandra and I am so honoured that you’ve been led to delve into my thoughts here in this blog! I would describe myself as a Wallflower which is why I use words to express my deepest – and sometimes darkest - thoughts. Words have always been my strongest method of expressing myself. Growing up I always wanted to be a writer, however life and circumstances chipped away at my confidence until there was nothing left. Without words, I could no longer express myself. I am also Epileptic. Since being diagnosed, I have realised that my deepest fear is the day I am finally on my deathbed, haunted by the overwhelming regret that I never achieved my God-given potential. This realisation forced me to take a step of faith and put myself out there. Yes it makes me vulnerable, however within the process I not only want to be an inspiration to myself; I want to be an inspiration to other women – to be whatever you want to be. Embrace the fear and doubt and utilise that as the fuel you need to push through! Life is for living to the fullest. Life is for loving, for living true to yourself and to the people around you. Life however, can also be crippling, dark and overwhelming. But you are not alone. This thought alone is what will help you get up from the ground.

2 thoughts on “The Mark

  1. These are heavy questions. I”m afraid I don’t have all the answers, But I do know FOR SURE you are deserving of a relationship even though you are mentally ill. I am bipolar AF and I am happily married. Also, from some of your posts, I gather it is possible you are surrounded by assholes and need to meet new people. Good luck.

    1. Thank you 😘
      See for awhile I did believe myself that perhaps I was too ill for anybody to be able to commit to me, or even for me to be able to commit to anybody else! Throughout my last relationship I was so up and down and blamed myself but now that I’m out of it I’ve realised that he was actually to blame: he never made me feel secure and that made me crazy! I’ve met somebody new now and to go to bed knowing that when I wake up in the morning I’ll still hear from him because he won’t have freaked out and disappeared is an amazing feeling.
      And you’re right, I am surrounded by arseholes so now my new motto is if I’ve got haters that probably means that I’m moving in the right direction! I just need to learn to keep focused on myself and my goals!

      Sorry what does bipolar AF mean by the way? I’m FINALLY meeting the psychiatrist next week so I’ll be able to ask him all of these little questions and more!

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