Posted in Blog

Endless Love

Break-up

A break up is like a maze: you question everything you knew;

was it really love?

Did I waste “x” amount of time, just living a lie?

You take a turn, take a few tenacious steps,

thinking that perhaps finally you are heading in the right direction…

thinking that you know where you’re heading and then you come to a dead end.

The exit seems forever out of sight!

My last love was my first love;

I fought for my love; I won a lot for my love,

however I also lost a lot too.

He came into my life and swept me off my feet.

However, two years later I suddenly woke up on the ground,

not knowing what time I’d even landed.

Growing up in a broken home,

I knew that when I grew up I wanted to find love –

real love.

I wanted it to be perfect love

and an endless love, because when you’re little and afraid,

you grow up dreaming that perfect love is real.

Then at the age of thirty and on the other side of innocence,

you become disillusioned.

Real love can never be perfect;

real love is fragile, sometimes a little damaged too.

Real love is both your favourite song on a beautiful summer’s day,

as well as a cold night of camping out in the middle of a forest without a torch.

Love can even be lonely.

People express love in different ways:

I want the entire world to know when I’m in love,

through my art

through my conversations.

People don’t stay in love and so leave you behind;

leave you wondering when you suddenly started seeing the back of their heads

as opposed to the eyes you thought you knew so well.

Love is not always enough either.

On my worst days, I grow fearful

of that thought.

The Bible says that love covers a multitude of sins,

however can it cover a multitude of indentations?

In the romantic comedies, love conquers all,

it overpowers every evil of the world.

In real life unfortunately,

it doesn’t ever seem to be enough.

Author:

My body remains on the sidelines watching, while my mind roams around the room, taking in the world around her. I am a wallflower. There could be two reasons for this: It could be due to me being an introvert or just that I am a Cancerian! I’m Cece Alexandra and I am so honoured that you’ve been led to delve into my thoughts here in this blog! I would describe myself as a Wallflower which is why I use words to express my deepest – and sometimes darkest - thoughts. Words have always been my strongest method of expressing myself. Growing up I always wanted to be a writer, however life and circumstances chipped away at my confidence until there was nothing left. Without words, I could no longer express myself. I am also Epileptic. Since being diagnosed, I have realised that my deepest fear is the day I am finally on my deathbed, haunted by the overwhelming regret that I never achieved my God-given potential. This realisation forced me to take a step of faith and put myself out there. Yes it makes me vulnerable, however within the process I not only want to be an inspiration to myself; I want to be an inspiration to other women – to be whatever you want to be. Embrace the fear and doubt and utilise that as the fuel you need to push through! Life is for living to the fullest. Life is for loving, for living true to yourself and to the people around you. Life however, can also be crippling, dark and overwhelming. But you are not alone. This thought alone is what will help you get up from the ground.

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