Posted in Poetry

Below the Bar


As I fall into the same trap

I struggle against the bar;

It crushes me with its weight.

My head explodes;

My heart pulsates

Into my brain.

You did this…

Or did I do this to myself?

My hands are turning blue.

But how can I see,

As my gaze becomes a haze?

I’ve never been able to perceive

What lies ahead.

I endeavour to escape,

But the bar holds me tight.

Which breath will be my last?

Your face is my last;

I envision your smirk.

You have triumphed.

Your scheme comes to fruition.

I was gullible to your charm.

And now here I lay,

For the last time

And my last breath escapes

Before which you have already

Slithered on, to

Your next victim.


My body remains on the sidelines watching, while my mind roams around the room, taking in the world around her. I am a wallflower. There could be two reasons for this: It could be due to me being an introvert or just that I am a Cancerian! I’m Cece Alexandra and I am so honoured that you’ve been led to delve into my thoughts here in this blog! I would describe myself as a Wallflower which is why I use words to express my deepest – and sometimes darkest - thoughts. Words have always been my strongest method of expressing myself. Growing up I always wanted to be a writer, however life and circumstances chipped away at my confidence until there was nothing left. Without words, I could no longer express myself. I am also Epileptic. Since being diagnosed, I have realised that my deepest fear is the day I am finally on my deathbed, haunted by the overwhelming regret that I never achieved my God-given potential. This realisation forced me to take a step of faith and put myself out there. Yes it makes me vulnerable, however within the process I not only want to be an inspiration to myself; I want to be an inspiration to other women – to be whatever you want to be. Embrace the fear and doubt and utilise that as the fuel you need to push through! Life is for living to the fullest. Life is for loving, for living true to yourself and to the people around you. Life however, can also be crippling, dark and overwhelming. But you are not alone. This thought alone is what will help you get up from the ground.

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