Posted in Blog

Epileptic On Tour: Where To Next?

It turns out that the best way to get over a break up is not by going out and sleeping with the first guy who calls you beautiful (although that can help), but it’s to jet off somewhere to be on your own.

I’m getting over two break ups (well three if you count my family) – my ex and the romantic philosopher. I’d already booked my flight to Budapest before both break ups had even happened. However, in the days leading up to the actual take off, I very nearly didn’t go. Apart from a stopover in Singapore, I’ve never been in a different country on my own before. In fact, I very rarely like to spend time on my own. I’m paranoid, manic and an over thinker; the voices in my brain NEVER stop. So when I am alone, I usually fill the gaps in with music or Netflix. At times I’ve desperately sought out company with people I don’t even like, just so that I don’t have to be alone!

Up until last month, the thought of being alone petrified me. The thought of being alone for the rest of my life filled me with an overwhelming sense of fear and shame – shame coming from the realisation that my mother was obviously right when she said that I would end up alone.

Choosing to be on my own and going to Budapest is THE best thing I have ever done and also some of the proudest moments of my life. Epilepsy didn’t hold me back; being a girl didn’t hold me back; being afraid didn’t hold me back – in fact, I tapped into that fear to spur me on and I ended up having the best time of my life.

Walking through the streets of Central Budapest while listening to The Pixies, will forever be in my memories (regardless of how fragmented they may become thanks to Epilepsy!); lounging in the park by the National History Museum while listening to my Spotify playlist “The Wallflower Speaks Loudly”;

NHM

 

riding on a bike around Margaret Island;

Margaret Island

 

laughing hysterically while my roommates try to force a stubborn pigeon out of the room with a rogue salad bowl; partying through the night with a new group of friends I’d only made hours prior.

I’ve come back with a clearer head and the beginnings of a sense of myself, which I’d never really had before.

And before I’d even boarded the flight home, I was already planning my next “where to?”

Author:

I’m Cece Alexandra and I have Epilepsy. Since being diagnosed, my life has changed significantly. After studying and teaching Humanities and Literature for all of my adult life, I was bullied and lost my job a month before qualifying to become an English Teacher. Once you fail the Teacher Training course in England, you cannot ever retrain; I then became too sick to work because of my Epilepsy. I am now currently studying an MSc in Mental Health Psychology with the University of Liverpool. My disability provokes me into raising awareness for invisible disabilities, which I also actively partake in with Epilepsy Action. Part of that awareness is to help fight against invisible disability discrimination - I believe that this behaviour is not cognitively unconscious; modern society is actively partaking in a hierarchy of disabilities and I believe that there is not enough psychological research to prove this. I am also clinically interested in Cultural Psychology - particularly Collectivist Culture, and wish to pursue this further in my academic career.

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