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Epileptic On Tour: Where To Next?

It turns out that the best way to get over a break up is not by going out and sleeping with the first guy who calls you beautiful (although that can help), but it’s to jet off somewhere to be on your own.

I’m getting over two break ups (well three if you count my family) – my ex and the romantic philosopher. I’d already booked my flight to Budapest before both break ups had even happened. However, in the days leading up to the actual take off, I very nearly didn’t go. Apart from a stopover in Singapore, I’ve never been in a different country on my own before. In fact, I very rarely like to spend time on my own. I’m paranoid, manic and an over thinker; the voices in my brain NEVER stop. So when I am alone, I usually fill the gaps in with music or Netflix. At times I’ve desperately sought out company with people I don’t even like, just so that I don’t have to be alone!

Up until last month, the thought of being alone petrified me. The thought of being alone for the rest of my life filled me with an overwhelming sense of fear and shame – shame coming from the realisation that my mother was obviously right when she said that I would end up alone.

Choosing to be on my own and going to Budapest is THE best thing I have ever done and also some of the proudest moments of my life. Epilepsy didn’t hold me back; being a girl didn’t hold me back; being afraid didn’t hold me back – in fact, I tapped into that fear to spur me on and I ended up having the best time of my life.

Walking through the streets of Central Budapest while listening to The Pixies, will forever be in my memories (regardless of how fragmented they may become thanks to Epilepsy!); lounging in the park by the National History Museum while listening to my Spotify playlist “The Wallflower Speaks Loudly”;

NHM

 

riding on a bike around Margaret Island;

Margaret Island

 

laughing hysterically while my roommates try to force a stubborn pigeon out of the room with a rogue salad bowl; partying through the night with a new group of friends I’d only made hours prior.

I’ve come back with a clearer head and the beginnings of a sense of myself, which I’d never really had before.

And before I’d even boarded the flight home, I was already planning my next “where to?”

Author:

My body remains on the sidelines watching, while my mind roams around the room, taking in the world around her. I am a wallflower. There could be two reasons for this: It could be due to me being an introvert or just that I am a Cancerian! I’m Cece Alexandra and I am so honoured that you’ve been led to delve into my thoughts here in this blog! I would describe myself as a Wallflower which is why I use words to express my deepest – and sometimes darkest - thoughts. Words have always been my strongest method of expressing myself. Growing up I always wanted to be a writer, however life and circumstances chipped away at my confidence until there was nothing left. Without words, I could no longer express myself. I am also Epileptic. Since being diagnosed, I have realised that my deepest fear is the day I am finally on my deathbed, haunted by the overwhelming regret that I never achieved my God-given potential. This realisation forced me to take a step of faith and put myself out there. Yes it makes me vulnerable, however within the process I not only want to be an inspiration to myself; I want to be an inspiration to other women – to be whatever you want to be. Embrace the fear and doubt and utilise that as the fuel you need to push through! Life is for living to the fullest. Life is for loving, for living true to yourself and to the people around you. Life however, can also be crippling, dark and overwhelming. But you are not alone. This thought alone is what will help you get up from the ground.

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