Posted in Blog

Invisible Conniving B****

I wish I didn’t give a damnI wish 

I could forget….

This is my feeble attempt at a poem. 

I failed. 

I laugh it off, as I try to laugh everything off lately: my family, my dark past, the dire EU referendum result, my epilepsy:

Haha a new dose increase.

Haha the man on the bus behind me hocking up phlegm into (here’s hoping) a tissue #LondonLife

Thankfully I can control my reaction before I get punched in the face (it happens), however I am still yet to control this STUPID FUCKING CONDITION. WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS???

And now I cannot control the fact that the bus driver is refusing to move because he’s having a fight with a passenger…. #LondonLife #LOL

Because of epilepsy I’ve been rejected by my family, rejected by the majority of my employers and live in constant fear that I will be rejected by the people who have stuck around in my life. 

Epilepsy makes me unpredictable which causes inconvenience to other people’s plans. It makes my mood unpredictable, which I guess makes people around me fearful as only God knows what mood I’m going to wake up in tomorrow. 

And because this conniving bitch called epilepsy is invisible, people only see me and not the condition.

So they reject me; lose patience with me; rebuke me. 

My apologies that I don’t have a more uplifting post for you today.

But today this is all I have to give. 

Author:

I’m Cece Alexandra and I have Epilepsy. Since being diagnosed, my life has changed significantly. After studying and teaching Humanities and Literature for all of my adult life, I was bullied and lost my job a month before qualifying to become an English Teacher. Once you fail the Teacher Training course in England, you cannot ever retrain; I then became too sick to work because of my Epilepsy. I am now currently studying an MSc in Mental Health Psychology with the University of Liverpool. My disability provokes me into raising awareness for invisible disabilities, which I also actively partake in with Epilepsy Action. Part of that awareness is to help fight against invisible disability discrimination - I believe that this behaviour is not cognitively unconscious; modern society is actively partaking in a hierarchy of disabilities and I believe that there is not enough psychological research to prove this. I am also clinically interested in Cultural Psychology - particularly Collectivist Culture, and wish to pursue this further in my academic career.

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