Posted in Blog

Warts And All

When I’m feeling overwhelmed by emotion – whether it be of the positive or negative kind – poetry is my outlet.

I’ve spent my entire life like a wallflower – standing on the side lines watching the world go by and trying to keep myself in the dark, locked away. I didn’t want people to know that I was standing there; that I was battling; dying inside.

Now that I’m beginning to open up to the people around me, I feel constantly overwhelmed by anxiety and fear because I’m finally revealing myself and risking vulnerability. However, I am also simultaneously overwhelmed by love and shock – shock that these people still love me irregardless.

This is a poem I swiftly whipped up a few minutes ago and I’m so excited by it I had to share it before I go off to bed.

The title is pretty self explanatory…. what we see as the ugly is what makes us real and therefore more accessible to the people who love us. I hope you find this as touching reading it as I was writing it

xoxo

Warts and All

This is me warts and all
This is why I never called
This is me in my low
Struggling to fuel my glow
This is why I hid it well
Locked up tight within myself
This: the me you didn’t know
This I didn’t want to know
Hid it from myself and you
Never saw me look so blue
This is me in my fear
This is me, drenched in tears
Losing grip on sanity
Tell me will you look at me?
This is me scared to lose
Look at you? I refuse
This is me filled with shame
Only me I want to blame
Tell me will you share the load?
If I’m ready to let go?
This is me, all of me
The true me is what you see
This is me warts and all
Now you hold me when I call
Now it’s me and it’s you
Joined as one to see it through

Author:

I’m Cece Alexandra and I have Epilepsy. Since being diagnosed, my life has changed significantly. After studying and teaching Humanities and Literature for all of my adult life, I was bullied and lost my job a month before qualifying to become an English Teacher. Once you fail the Teacher Training course in England, you cannot ever retrain; I then became too sick to work because of my Epilepsy. I am now currently studying an MSc in Mental Health Psychology with the University of Liverpool. My disability provokes me into raising awareness for invisible disabilities, which I also actively partake in with Epilepsy Action. Part of that awareness is to help fight against invisible disability discrimination - I believe that this behaviour is not cognitively unconscious; modern society is actively partaking in a hierarchy of disabilities and I believe that there is not enough psychological research to prove this. I am also clinically interested in Cultural Psychology - particularly Collectivist Culture, and wish to pursue this further in my academic career.

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