Posted in Blog

Warts And All

When I’m feeling overwhelmed by emotion – whether it be of the positive or negative kind – poetry is my outlet.

I’ve spent my entire life like a wallflower – standing on the side lines watching the world go by and trying to keep myself in the dark, locked away. I didn’t want people to know that I was standing there; that I was battling; dying inside.

Now that I’m beginning to open up to the people around me, I feel constantly overwhelmed by anxiety and fear because I’m finally revealing myself and risking vulnerability. However, I am also simultaneously overwhelmed by love and shock – shock that these people still love me irregardless.

This is a poem I swiftly whipped up a few minutes ago and I’m so excited by it I had to share it before I go off to bed.

The title is pretty self explanatory…. what we see as the ugly is what makes us real and therefore more accessible to the people who love us. I hope you find this as touching reading it as I was writing it

xoxo

Warts and All

This is me warts and all
This is why I never called
This is me in my low
Struggling to fuel my glow
This is why I hid it well
Locked up tight within myself
This: the me you didn’t know
This I didn’t want to know
Hid it from myself and you
Never saw me look so blue
This is me in my fear
This is me, drenched in tears
Losing grip on sanity
Tell me will you look at me?
This is me scared to lose
Look at you? I refuse
This is me filled with shame
Only me I want to blame
Tell me will you share the load?
If I’m ready to let go?
This is me, all of me
The true me is what you see
This is me warts and all
Now you hold me when I call
Now it’s me and it’s you
Joined as one to see it through

Author:

My body remains on the sidelines watching, while my mind roams around the room, taking in the world around her. I am a wallflower. There could be two reasons for this: It could be due to me being an introvert or just that I am a Cancerian! I’m Cece Alexandra and I am so honoured that you’ve been led to delve into my thoughts here in this blog! I would describe myself as a Wallflower which is why I use words to express my deepest – and sometimes darkest - thoughts. Words have always been my strongest method of expressing myself. Growing up I always wanted to be a writer, however life and circumstances chipped away at my confidence until there was nothing left. Without words, I could no longer express myself. I am also Epileptic. Since being diagnosed, I have realised that my deepest fear is the day I am finally on my deathbed, haunted by the overwhelming regret that I never achieved my God-given potential. This realisation forced me to take a step of faith and put myself out there. Yes it makes me vulnerable, however within the process I not only want to be an inspiration to myself; I want to be an inspiration to other women – to be whatever you want to be. Embrace the fear and doubt and utilise that as the fuel you need to push through! Life is for living to the fullest. Life is for loving, for living true to yourself and to the people around you. Life however, can also be crippling, dark and overwhelming. But you are not alone. This thought alone is what will help you get up from the ground.

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