Posted in Poetry

Blood and Flesh

 Family – it’s all just a bunch of bullshit
Love is guilt and a constant pit
Of torture and tears and constant shit
You blackmail with blood and flesh
Silent guilt always caught me in a mesh
Cuts so deep the blood flows fresh
We grew up and fell out of love
Separated no longer a pair like gloves
Balls of hate hard like a clove
Years of quarrels never spoken
My endless sorries just a token
Never realising our love was broken
Beyond repair but not beyond doubt
In your mind you’d already checked out
Before I even knew what it was about
I wrote you down my heart in a letter
Thinking truth would make it all better
But now I’m at the end of my tether
Your lack of reply is a slap in the face
A realisation that this is the place
Sisters no more – an official case
And now you would rather make your mother cry
Than let your pride and stubbornness die
Cast your anger and hatred aside
This family your constant warzone
It’s a stage for you and you alone
As you sit and judge others below from your throne
You can’t sit to break bread
To put others before yourself instead
You’ve said it all without a last breath
Now today I sit and contemplate
My first Christmas on a solo plate
Solitude is my gift from your hate
A mangled stray with no home
You could say that’s it’s all fault of my own
My choice to leave the house I’d outgrown
Leaving everything behind
For a wider world to find
And you can’t forgive me
For it was you I left behind

Author:

I’m Cece Alexandra and I have Epilepsy. Since being diagnosed, my life has changed significantly. After studying and teaching Humanities and Literature for all of my adult life, I was bullied and lost my job a month before qualifying to become an English Teacher. Once you fail the Teacher Training course in England, you cannot ever retrain; I then became too sick to work because of my Epilepsy. I am now currently studying an MSc in Mental Health Psychology with the University of Liverpool. My disability provokes me into raising awareness for invisible disabilities, which I also actively partake in with Epilepsy Action. Part of that awareness is to help fight against invisible disability discrimination - I believe that this behaviour is not cognitively unconscious; modern society is actively partaking in a hierarchy of disabilities and I believe that there is not enough psychological research to prove this. I am also clinically interested in Cultural Psychology - particularly Collectivist Culture, and wish to pursue this further in my academic career.

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