Posted in Blog

Paralytic Adoration

I look into your eyes and I find it hard to breathe

Words become trapped and struggle for release

My mouth wants to move but my lips only part

In a shock reaction to my beating heart

A gentle touch sends shivers right through me

I struggle to comprehend how I could be so lucky

When alone fear, becomes a dense stronghold

As I fight with all my might against the mould

Of a past full of desecration, destruction and despair

Of a time of previous when you were not there

My body a shrine for shadows who entered to part

To destroy my soul and to shatter my heart

I lay awake wondering how could you be so perfect?

Able to have upon me this ludicrous effect?

It feels undeserved yet the crowd disagrees

Yet not enough to break me from my reverie

The fear that one day you will disappear

And I will be left just a heart breaking memory

Perhaps it’s only my rational insecurities

Perhaps it’s a premonition of future realities

Until then my love hold onto you I will

And allow you the treasure of my heart to fill

There won’t be a sufficient amount of time enough

But until then I will continue to call your bluff

And revel in this paralytic adoration

And pretend you are mine for the duration.


My body remains on the sidelines watching, while my mind roams around the room, taking in the world around her. I am a wallflower. There could be two reasons for this: It could be due to me being an introvert or just that I am a Cancerian! I’m Cece Alexandra and I am so honoured that you’ve been led to delve into my thoughts here in this blog! I would describe myself as a Wallflower which is why I use words to express my deepest – and sometimes darkest - thoughts. Words have always been my strongest method of expressing myself. Growing up I always wanted to be a writer, however life and circumstances chipped away at my confidence until there was nothing left. Without words, I could no longer express myself. I am also Epileptic. Since being diagnosed, I have realised that my deepest fear is the day I am finally on my deathbed, haunted by the overwhelming regret that I never achieved my God-given potential. This realisation forced me to take a step of faith and put myself out there. Yes it makes me vulnerable, however within the process I not only want to be an inspiration to myself; I want to be an inspiration to other women – to be whatever you want to be. Embrace the fear and doubt and utilise that as the fuel you need to push through! Life is for living to the fullest. Life is for loving, for living true to yourself and to the people around you. Life however, can also be crippling, dark and overwhelming. But you are not alone. This thought alone is what will help you get up from the ground.

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