Posted in Blog

The Fog

A strange smell
Sometimes the only warning
That what I know is impending  
And sometimes there is nothing
Emptiness then the strike of the cannonball
A crushing weight
Yesterday overwhelms me
Except yesterday did not happen
It is only an illusion
My limbs begin to contort
No time to feel fear 
As I lose all control
No control over emotions nor actions
Time stands still
And simultaneously flies by
I hear the voices by my side
Yet seem more farther by the second
Screaming my name in panic
To guide me back to my sanity
To coax me out of the darkness
But sometimes there are no allies
And I’m alone in the blindness
Alone to wait it out
Like a prisoner on death row
In the ashes of the aftermath
A fog of confusion 
Like spinning too fast on a roundabout 
Even the release bars all control
As I struggle to recover
My senses, my identity
Limbs were rigid and now like jelly
My compass is shattered
Details such as place and time
Disappear in the fog
Uncertain of its return
I lay awake at night 
Lost in panic during daylight 
Spellbound by uncertainty
And then the fear comes
That the storm will return 
Before the fog has had time to lift.


My body remains on the sidelines watching, while my mind roams around the room, taking in the world around her. I am a wallflower. There could be two reasons for this: It could be due to me being an introvert or just that I am a Cancerian! I’m Cece Alexandra and I am so honoured that you’ve been led to delve into my thoughts here in this blog! I would describe myself as a Wallflower which is why I use words to express my deepest – and sometimes darkest - thoughts. Words have always been my strongest method of expressing myself. Growing up I always wanted to be a writer, however life and circumstances chipped away at my confidence until there was nothing left. Without words, I could no longer express myself. I am also Epileptic. Since being diagnosed, I have realised that my deepest fear is the day I am finally on my deathbed, haunted by the overwhelming regret that I never achieved my God-given potential. This realisation forced me to take a step of faith and put myself out there. Yes it makes me vulnerable, however within the process I not only want to be an inspiration to myself; I want to be an inspiration to other women – to be whatever you want to be. Embrace the fear and doubt and utilise that as the fuel you need to push through! Life is for living to the fullest. Life is for loving, for living true to yourself and to the people around you. Life however, can also be crippling, dark and overwhelming. But you are not alone. This thought alone is what will help you get up from the ground.

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